Squeeze Me, I'm a Plush
by GazCaroline
Summary: That night in Sasuke's room, there were strange sounds of snipping, tearing, squeaking and random "HAHAHA"'s. His housemates didn't feel the need to interrupt the boy's sudden bliss. Warning: CRACK.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the plot. Me and Blak-Valentyne wrote it together. Enjoy.

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Ever since Sasuke moved in with Orochimaru (he was forced to see it like that), he'd been feeling rather lonely. Not wanting to talk to himself and be taken in by the men in the white lab coats, he decided to find a companion.

He tried many times to talk to Orochimaru but failed miserably when he discovered about Orochimaru's perverted little eyes. They appeared to have developed the habit of scanning Sasuke's body up and down, down and up, and up and down again. And the poor boy had no idea why. This is obviously a result from child neglect. After all, which late preteen wouldn't run away screaming bloody murder?

When Sasuke couldn't hold in his curiosity any longer, he took his question to Kabuto.

At least the answer was somewhat productive.

At first, Kabuto's eyes went down and up and up and down, earning a "what-the-frick" look from Sasuke.

"_Why does everyone look at me like that? Is there something on my feet? My legs? My……-moving on. My stomach? My chest?"_

As if had read his mind, Kabuto replied. "Orochimaru-sama rarely stares like that," the man's exterior remaining creepily calm, yet his eyes never left the genie's body. "He usually uses it when a boy he really likes is standing in front of him," ending his so-called answer with that teeny-tiny smile, he began to walk away.

**Suddenly!**

Kabuto somehow appeared right behind Sasuke-kun, leaning in close to his ears ("You going to lick me too?"). Kabuto skillfully whispered in a new wave of huskiness. "I…" Pause. "CouldtakeyourighthererightnowonthiscoldcellfloorbutthatOrochimaruhascamerasandIdon'twanttogetpunished," **(I could take you right here and right now on this cold cell floor but that Orochimaru has cameras and I don't want to get punished.) **He inhaled deeply then wiggled his brows. "If you know what I mean, hehe. But let's take this slowly. If Orochimaru gives you a macadamia nut cookie, eat my muffin first," and with that, four eyes handed him a banana muffin and disappeared.

Sasuke, being the adolescent boy he is, understood the meanings of macadamia nut cookies, banana muffins and buttered biscuits.

This of course freaked him out just like every other normal being that is not gay yet receives gay treatment would.

So much for a perfectly normal frien- excuse me, "acquaintanceship" with _that_ freak.

Still in need of a companion, Sasuke decided to confront Orochimaru again. When he found that the ... man was not present in his quarters, Sasuke decided to explore. A suspicious looking box labeled "Orochimaru's Box of Sacred Possessions" caught his eye and in it he found….

(Sasuke missed the bloody handcuffs, hair straightener and skin cream)

A voodoo doll!

And it looked exactly like Itachi-nii-san. To Sasuke's dismay, the poor little doll with the clouded cloak, blood red eyes and scratched leaf headband not only had white smears on it, but also many pins stuck insides its squishy little body. But despite all that, Sasuke was happy. Being so happy, Sasuke lost his common sense and sat right there on Orochimaru's bed and began talking to that doll.

Which leads us to where we are right now.

"You know nii-sama, every since I was eight -before you killed our clan and before I decided to avenge our clan by killing you for killing our clan. Which of course, I can not do because you are the strongest of our clan Clan population: two people. Darn you, weasel! Why are you the strongest of our clan? Why can't I be the strongest of our clan? Be a loser for once and let the rest of our clan gain some pride!

"As I was saying, ever since I was eight, I have always wanted to be a pole dancer." Sasuke stared expectantly at the doll in his right hand; waiting for some sort of response though received none. He frowned, but continued. "You know how we both used to watch the show 'Comic _Strip: _Dirty Dancing at Nude Beach Edition' when Mom and Dad were of having fun?" Sasuke squeezed the doll. It made a "SQUEEK" sound. "I was so inspired that I'd sometimes try the moves myself!"

The boy sighed and slammed the doll in his lap. "I guess Nii-sama; all I'm trying to say is...

"I WANTED TO BE A STRIPPER!"

Oh my.

Sasuke had a hand over his heart and was breathing erratically with his eyes wide and doll still captive in hand. He took no note of the echoing sentence that bounced all through the creepy halls of the creepy residence.

"No!" He jumped up and pumped his right fist up and down. "I STILL DO! B-but I can't, darn you! I have to be an avenger!"

The echoing ceased along with the squeaking and his rants. After a long minute, he whispered with a mischievous smirk, "Maybe I could be both."

That night in Sasuke's room, there were strange sounds of snipping, tearing, squeaking and random "HAHAHA"'s. His housemates didn't feel the need to interrupt the boy's sudden bliss. They figured that he'd either adapted to the environment or had _reached __that__ age_.

The next morning.

"Sasuke!"

"Uke-chan!"

That was Kabuto and Orochimaru. They were walking down the corridor calling out for their favorite ninja. It was time for breakfast and Kabuto made his specialty

Finally, the two came upon Sasuke's room. As Kabuto's hands were a centimeter away from the door, it swung open to reveal the subject of their calls.

But he looked different. _Very _different. For the boy stood with his hands on his left hand on his hip, while the other held a plushie. That wasn't _that_ different, yes, but his attire. OH, HIS ATTIRE.

On the genin was an extremely low cut and baggy white shirt. On his waist was a... blanket (?) that was being held up by a large rope. He wore black pants and his usual shoes.

Orochimaru was the first to recover. "U-Uke...chan. What a-are you wearing? Not that I don't like it but-"

Kabuto butted in, "GOODNESS, NO! WE LOVE IT!"

Sasuke smirked. "These... are my stripper clothes."

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Hope you liked it. Sorry Sasuke fans. But I guess he just fitted this kind of dream. R&R!!


End file.
